Anna Nicole Smith Probably Not As Married As You Think

This whole Anna Nicole Smith thing is getting mighty confusing, isn't it? Here's a recap: so far Anna Nicole Smith has a dead billionaire husband, a dead son, an alive daughter with possibly a lawyer father and an alive husband.

No, scrap that last one. Although it was rumoured over the weekend that Anna Nicole Smith got married to Howard K Stern, her lawyer and apparently the father of her new baby girl, on a boat over the weekend as a 'shot of emotional adrenaline' to help her get over the death of her son Daniel, it's now become apparent that Anna Nicole Smith didn't actually marry Howard K Stern at all, and just went out on a boat to tell God how much she loved him. Screw a shot of emotional adrenaline, we're gonna need a flip chart and a set of magic markers to work this beast of a puzzle out…

It's difficult to piss away all the global sympathy you gained when your 20-year-old son dies days after your daughter is born, but Anna Nicole Smith seems to be doing her darnedest to do just that. As if selling the last pictures taken with your dead son to a magazine for hundreds of thousands of dollars wasn't distasteful enough, Anna Nicole Smith now seems to be doing all she can to utterly bewilder anyone who's taken an interest in her story.

At least, after all kinds of rumours and two autopsies, it's been cleared up that Daniel Smith died from a cocktail of antidepressants and methadone. Meanwhile, though, the 'daughter' side of the Anna Nicole Smith story is still kind of up in the air. If Anna Nicole Smith's lawyer Howard K Stern is to be believed, the baby is his. Stern's story involves he and Anna Nicole Smith falling in love at the US Supreme Court, having some probably charged-by-the-hour sex, and then standing back through Anna Nicole Smith's pregnancy rumours and subsequent pregnancy confirmation before gleefully admitting to Larry King that he was the baby of Anna Nicole Smith's daughter all along. Except that some other bloke thinks that he's the baby's father too.

Anna Nicole Smith seems to know who she wants the father to be - reports over the weekend suggested that Anna Nicole Smith and Howard K Stern got married on a boat in the Bahamas to act as 'a shot of emotional adrenaline' for Anna, as if she needed any more emotion heaped on top of her right now. Only now it's being reported that Anna Nicole Smith and Howard K Stern didn't get married at all. A friend of Anna's told In Touch Weekly that there wasn't even  a marriage certificate present:

"They had a quiet ceremony and declared how much they love each other in front of God. They vowed they would be there for each other. They do plan to have a proper ceremony in the future."

We've said this before, but hopefully this will be the last we hear of Anna Nicole Smith for a while - because if things keep getting weirder at the rate they have been so far, at some point next week Anna Nicole Smith will give birth to a Leprechaun dragon who can spit moonbeams out of its arse.

Read more:

Anna Nicole Smith: Not Married - Femalefirst

[story by Stuart Heritage]