Here's a quick lesson for anyone with their sights on weekend box office success – be sure to include lots of fat men in lycra holding each other's penises and less amputee lapdancers shooting an army of zombies with their machine gun peg-legs.
That seems to be the trend anyway – despite attracting more column inches than possibly any film so far this year, Grindhouse has spectacularly flopped at the weekend box office, getting beaten by a couple of week-old films and a film about Ice Cube wrestling a fish and walking into a patio window. So hats off to Blades Of Glory, for showing that plotless movies comprising of one long gay joke are the perfect way for cinemagoers to mark the death and resurrection of Jesus.
Blades Of Glory is the number one film at the US weekend box office for the second week on the trot, beating such fancied competition as Grindhouse – the long-hyped Quentin Tarantino/ Robert Rodriguez double-bill; and Are We Done Yet? – the film where gangsta rapper Ice Cube gets some egg on his shirt and sadly shakes his head in a comical way. Here's the weekend box office top five…
1 – Blades Of Glory (So it's official – Will Ferrell is now bigger than films about horrifying terrorist attacks and women getting stabbed in the vagina on a trampoline. That means… um, something. Probably) $23,000,000
2 – Meet The Robinsons (Still holding firm high up in the weekend box office despite not a single person on the face of the earth still knowing what the eff it's all about) $17,004,000
3 – Are We Done Yet? (Straight outta Compton, crazy motherfucker named Ice Cube/ Renovating a hilariously run-down country house and learning important life lessons about his family with the curly-haired bloke from Scrubs in the process) $15,000,000
4 – Grindhouse (Who'd have thought that deliberately bad three-hour-long double-bill movies about ginger amputee zombie-killers with guns for legs weren't the sort of thing that moviegoers wanted to go and see on major religious holidays? Looks like we'll have to rethink our plans to have Heather Mills star in that zombie-based Anne Robinson nativity biopic) $11,591,000
5 – The Reaping (Where Hilary Swank goes for the Oscar hat-trick by starring in a ridiculously hokey horror movie about biblical plagues with the man out of Basic Instinct 2. We're beginning to think that Chad Lowe was the power behind the throne, you know) $10,080,000
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Schmoo says
“showing that plotless movies comprising of one long gay joke are the perfect way for cinemagoers to mark the death and resurrection of Jesus”
Really? Tiresome crap drivelling on and on, without imparting anything that a well-adjusted individual doesn’t already know, sounds like perfect tribute to any aspect of religion to me. Feel-good fluff for those scared of reality. The film too.