The headline’s comparative – if you’re 14 years old, that means Dakota Fanning is really excited about Twilight 2.
But if you’re not then Dakota Fanning could completely ignore Twilight 2 and she’d still be more excited than you. Because, as a normal person with a normal person’s idea of the difference between good and terrible, you couldn’t be less excited about Twilight 2 if it came with a written confirmation that the final scene would involve Robert Pattinson being kicked in the testicles by a furious mule.
Anyway, Dakota Fanning is more excited than that. Because she’s almost definitely going to be in Twilight 2 now.
The casting process for Twilight 2 has been so completely haphazard that we’re starting to believe that it’s actually a clever promotional trick to keep people interested in the film. First Taylor Lautner was going to be replaced, before the producers changed their minds. Then Vanessa Hudgens was going to get a role, before the producers changed their minds.
At this rate, if there’s a story next week saying that Robert Pattinson was being replaced by Blakey from On The Buses with a bird’s nest on his head for Twilight 2, we’re sure we’d fall for that as well. The resemblance is uncanny, after all.
So if we were Dakota Fanning, we’d be absolutely bricking ourselves right now. Ever since her name was first connected with Twilight 2, Dakota Fanning has known that it was her big chance to move on. No longer would she be the spooky-looking kid from hundreds of mostly-lousy movies. No, if Dakota Fanning landed the role of Jane in Twilight 2 then she’d be known as the spooky-looking teenager from one very specific lousy movie, and that’s much better.
But Dakota Fanning has a wise head on her shoulders, and she knows that the Twilight producers aren’t so great at sticking to their decisions, so she’s doing the only thing she can to make sure she gets the job – endless, exhausting cheerleading for the role in public. People reports:
Dakota Fanning is ready to bare her fangs as vampire Jane in the Twilight sequel New Moon. “I really hope it works out,” Fanning, 14, told Hitfix.com while promoting her current thriller, Push. “It would be a really fantastic experience, I’m sure.”
We don’t know why Dakota Fanning is going to so much effort here – even as a ten-year-old she was the best thing about most of the crappy films she starred in, so four years later it’d be stupid if the producers weren’t desperate to sign her up for Twilight 2. At the very least it’d be an interesting experiment to see what’d happen if a real actor was allowed to mingle with the charisma-free, hollow-cheeked haircut models that make up the rest of the Twilight cast.
Besides, it’s not as if Dakota wants to go her entire career with The Cat In The Hat as her all-time worst movie ever, is it? This one will challenge that title nicely, we’re sure.
Kate says
Wow, this is a very bitter article. I’m sorry Twilight was so upsetting. Maybe…. maybe you could channel all that negative energy into something resourceful?
Andrew says
Lol this is their job, to trash everything whether it’s awesome or not. That’s why there’s rarely a positive thing said here, and it’s what makes the site so funny.
At any rate, I’m really looking forward to seeing Dakota Fanning in NEW MOON.
Nicolette says
Agree!
a personn says
its new moon not twilight2!!! jeeezz u guys r as bad as micheal copon…
magnetite says
I am good friends with the furious mule in question. He’s simply stoked at this opportunity as he was just about to give up on his showbiz dreams and go back to running a supply store in Kansas.
I hope Steve doesn’t mind me giving him this shout out and I hope his agent, Bernie, gives him the call soon. He’s been practice kicking the nuts off mannequins for a month now and he’ll be ecstatic to get out of the adult entertainment industry, where he has been jobbing for rent money.
As he told me yesterday, “If I have to bang one more hollow-eyed tart dressed as a nun I swear I’ll sell myself for dog food.”
Good luck Steve. I’ll follow you on Twitter when you’re famous, buddy.
Stabby McGee says
I’m starting to think that running around Top Shop yelling “ZOMG TWILIHHT 2 IS GONNA BE AWSUM SQEEEEEEE!!” and watching all the 30-something Twilight fans’ heads go red, yell “NEU MUUUUNE” and explode would be a ‘resourceful’ use of my or anybody else’s time.
magnetite says
Oops. Got so excited about Steve’s break I forgot to mention Dakota Fanning. Are her eyes the right size for her head yet? God, those things were like saucers with felt-tip pupils drawn on ’em. I got the feeling she’d pop after the credits in any film she’s in and tell you that you’re fooling no-one with that comb-over of the thinning patch on your crown; and that two of the twenties in the wallet inside your jacket hanging in the hall are counterfeit. She’s THAT spooky-looking.
Enjoy your fame Miss Fanning. 400 years ago your countrymen would have burnt you at the stake at the drop of a hat with a buckle on the front of it.
Tiffany says
Wow okay,
this was sort of a VERY harsh harsh article,
like seriously, you didnt need to have to be so harsh aboutt it.
by the way, its called New Moon not Twilight 2 silly.
I quite frankly dont know anything about Dakota Fanning,
but i honestly dont think they should choose her,
she just doesnt seem like the Jane that we all imagined.
like HONESTLY theyre not pulling some “clever promotional trick to keep people interested in the film”
thats completely unethical.
WHY WOULD THEY DO THAT?!
if people are interested in the film, then theyre interested,
and they like to search it on Google every once in a while.
so whoever wrote this,
get a life, go buy yourself a cup of coffee and eat a cookie.
you obviously have no idea what your talking about if you spend your time critisizing this (:
coffee says
They should be careful casting Dakota Fanning for New Moon, she might steal the show
Vane says
What?
Robert Pattinson will be replaced?!
omg!!
that is a crime!!
=O
I am so sad right now!