Madonna is always banging on about how there are hundreds of thousands of orphans on the edge of famine in Malawi, so now she must be feeling pretty stupid that she picked the only one with a Dad who won't stop yakking to the press about her.
Now that little David Banda is firmly ensconced within Madonna's stately British mansion dressed in his finest tweed leotard watching his new Dad do judo with Dexter Fletcher off of Press Gang all day, thoughts of the illiterate man who dropped him off at the orphanage in Malawi must be far from his mind. But that doesn't work the other way round – David's biological father Yohane Banda has been complaining in Malawi newspapers about how Madonna never calls him to tell him about his collection of brightly-coloured Shetland ponies or describe all the new ways she's taught her adopted son to scare off ramblers with shotguns.
Madonna has had interim custody of her Malawi orphan David Banda for more than two months now, and the debate about whether Madonna is the world's best humanitarian or the world's biggest bandwagon-jumping dipshit have all died down. Thanks to a campaign of internet publicity highbrow interviews in ridiculous tents and Oprah-hugging, most people have come round to thinking that David Banda is better off round Madonna's house playing on his Nintendo Wii than if he was sitting in a muddy field in Malawi picking flies out of his eyes and dying of pneumonia. Even the human rights coalition that has taken Madonna to court over her adoption seems to have rolled over to some extent.
But not everyone is so OK with Madonna's adoption of David Banda. Like David Banda's father Yohane, for a start. Right from the beginning Yohane has been a bit of a pain in Madonna's arse. Initially Yohane Banda thought that Madonna adopting David was a fabulous idea – David's mother had died and Yohane figured that if he couldn't support his newborn child then maybe the richest woman in pop could.
The only problem was that he didn't actually know what adoption was, and seemed a little bit annoyed when he found out Madonna wasn't giving David back. Eventually, Yohane agreed that the adoption was for the best, but it looks like he's changed his mind again – now he's furious that Madonna never calls him with progress reports, as ABC News reports:
"I don't have her phone and mailing addresses. All I want is to find out how my son is but I don't know how I can do it," Malawi's Daily Times newspaper quoted Yohane Banda as saying. "I only talked to her once at the High Court and I want to talk to her now and find out about my child." The father of one-year-old David Banda made the comments after the newspaper presented him with a 400 pound ($788) check from Scottish nun, Christine Webster, who told the paper she believes Banda would have been better off staying in Malawi.
Oh great, as if this wasn't complicated enough, now the nuns are getting involved too. See this Madonna? This is what happens when you fuck with Jesus. Now go away, think about what you've done and definitely don't adopt any more orphans until you're certain that both its parents are completely dead.
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Leon says
is anyone else starting to think that Yohane thought Madonna was going to adopt him too?