We know this is confusing, but sit tight and we’ll try and explain – although DMX was arrested on Wednesday, he’s now been arrested for something else entirely.
Wednesday’s arrest was for speeding, but his time DMX was arrested on suspicion of animal cruelty and drug possession after a SWAT team raided his house on Friday morning and found five pit bull puppies and half a pound of cannabis.
So, to try and help east the confusion a little, we’ve come up with a little rhyme to help you keep track of DMX’s arrests: If DMX was busted Wednesday last, he’s been caught driving cars too fast; if DMX is busted on Friday morn, the partially-burnt carcasses of mistreated pets were found on his lawn. We’re available for hire, you know.
We should probably point out now that by the time you’ve finished reading this article, DMX will have probably been arrested six or seven more times, possibly for setting the moon on fire or driving a monster truck over a funeral. But for now let’s just concentrate on what we already know.
Days after he was arrested for speeding, DMX has fallen foul of the law yet again. And rather than simply drive past a speed camera like a feckless goon, this time DMX might have properly blown it for himself.
Last August, police seized 12 of DMX’s pit bulls after they were found to have been badly mistreated. Officers also seized the burnt remains of three decomposing pit bull corpses which may or may not have been mistreated depending on your views about burning decomposing dog corpses.
Anyway, on Friday morning police raided DMX’s home to arrest him after a seven-month inquiry. And, while DMX was barricading himself in his bedroom trying to avoid arrest, officers also stumbled upon half a pound of cannabis and decided to add that to their arrest list.
But it’s not all bad because, as BBC News reports, DMX’s lawyer seems to think he’ll escape the animal cruelty charge:
Mr Simmons’s lawyer, Murray Richman, said he believed evidence did not support the charges of animal cruelty, which has been a major focus of Sheriff Arpaio. “I think that the animal cruelty is not going to be able to be established and I think that this is Sheriff Joe’s moment,” he said… At the time, the rapper said he had not been at the property for at two months and a caretaker who was left in charge failed to care for them.
It’ll be interesting to see if DMX ends up charged with animal cruelty, because dogs play such a big part of his image. DMX has two albums with the word ‘Dog’ in the title, has countless songs about dogs and even makes a noise a bit like a dog whenever he gets a bit excited. And soon he could be charged with treating them inhumanely? That’s a bit unexpected. It’s like Hitler bringing out a gangsta rap album featuring songs called For My Jews and Jew Intro.
However, if DMX does wind up getting charged with animal cruelty, at least it’ll provide an answer to his often-asked question “Where my dogs at?” They’re in the garden being burnt because nobody gave them any water and they died. That’s where your dogs at, DMX.
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Bill says
“And soon he could be charged with treating them inhumanely? That’s a bit unexpected.” – Are you kidding???
Where the hell have you been? DMX pleaded guilty in New Jersey to animal cruelty charges in 2002 for neglecting some 13 pit bulls. As part of his sentence, he was required to make a public service announcement against animal abuse. He was busted again in August 2007 for animal cruelty charges. This will be his third time being charged with animal cruelty. Do your research before you go defending him.
gir says
I think Bill’s comment highlights a serious problem with the hecklerspray readership: complete lack of any kind of abstract thought. The ability to detect and understand sarcasm, along with more complicated forms of conceptualizing, seems to be missing entirely.
Why, if we could isolate this particular group from the rest of the population, we could accomplish some groundbreaking research into bizarre human behavior, such as writing letters to newspaper editorial pages, inferring jealousy from satirical articles, and voting republican.