That’s it! Forget it. Hard-Fi have had it with all of you. All of you miserable, misguided bastards out there who are under the impression that Hard-Fi are rubbish. Does that sound like you?
Do you think that Hard-Fi are a truly fucking awful band? Do you? Do you consider Hard-Fi’s raison d'être to be as annoyingly pitiful as the wasps? Are you fed up of Hard-Fi trying to drink your can of Fanta in the middle of the summer after you’ve already batted them away fifteen times? Well, if so, then who do you think you are? Who? Don’t just continue reading this if you haven’t stopped to think who you really are; stop and think about it.
Ready? You’re not real people, are you? You’re fake people, aren’t you? You probably discriminate against the working classes as well, don’t you? And you no doubt go up to innocent bystanding Hard-Fi fans and shout things like “Oi, nobhead! I understand we live in a society and certain moral laws have to be adhered to for us all to get along, but if killing you and your mates was to bring about anarchy of armageddonish proportions, it wouldn’t stop me, so chuck your stupid mp3 player into the sea and take off that fucking t-shirt with a CCTV camera on it – I was already well aware that we were living in a nanny state with out some de-evolved lower class ponce shouting about it!” If that’s you, then shame on you. Shame all over you.
May you find comfort in the fact that without heaven there is no hell; that you will instead be dealt the relatively fantastic eternity of nothingness. Because you make us sick; you make hecklerspray pray that hell was real. You make us kneel down and do a hecklersprayer to God, begging him to leave Hard-Fi and their fans alone, just like their lead singer Richard Archer is probably doing too. Listen to what the class-A tit turnip has to say for himself:
“We had success because real people heard our music. Working-class musicians are supposed to be idiots who get drunk rather than people who have something to say. Sometimes it’s nice to have that to work against but what annoys me is when I think of our fans. You have to wonder what the people slating our record know about music when they’re essentially slagging off the fans of the band.”
Oh, Richard Archer. You’re quite lovely in a way. You sing songs about working during the week and then getting trashed on the weekend, over and over again in pretty much the same way, and yet you don’t like being judged as a working class person who gets drunk and has nothing to say. Sweet, isn’t it? He’s not even aware that in order to be judged as something other than a drunk idiot with nothing to say, he has to be something other than that.
And like all great drunks, he doesn’t like it when you take the piss out of his mother. You can say what you like about him, but keep his mother out of it. The only thing is Richard Archer seems to think his mother is his fans. At least, that’s the impression you get when he talks about them:
“You can take the piss out of my hair, my clothes – I don’t give a fuck. But take the piss out of the fans and that is out of order.”
Unfortunately he didn’t go on to explain why, so we’re at as much of a loss as you. Guess we’ll have to keep it up: Oi, Hard-Fi fan reading this – you’re a twat!
Richard, dumb as he is, is – do not forget – the leader of the band. Can you imagine what the drummer must be like? Drummer Steve Kemp said:
“I don’t think it comes down to how good your album is now. If you’re not new, you’re boring.”
There are two ways to take that, and they’re all based around what Kempy means by ‘new’. If he means ‘new’ as in ‘a band or musician who have only just been discovered’ he is a moron because, well, lots of old bands and musicians are still quite exciting to a lot of people. If, however, he meant ‘new’ as in ‘constantly inventive’ and that without this constant invention music is just boring, and he’s applying this to his own band, then he is such a supreme imbecile that we want to give him a cuddle and say ‘yes, Kempy, that’s right, but you can’t be mad at people for not liking you if you’re not very good at music, do you see? Do you see?'
Do you see, Hard-Fi?
When asked about their relationship with their record label, Kempy said:
“Our label is behind our music 100%.”
To which Richard Archer chipped in:
“If they did drop us we could go away and do something much better.”
Press record. To me, to you. To me, to you. Stop recording. Release album. Read rubbish reports. Stupid fans buy record anyway and create more funding for process to be repeated. To me, to you, at the ATM machine, going out for the weekend, it’s raining and it’s horrible, I wanna get pissed, maybe stupid fans would like a song about this? They do, they love it, they get bullied, over and over, to me to you, Hard-Fi. Hard to beat.
Read more:
gir says
OMG WHAT IS WRONG WIHT YOU U R SO HATER HARDFI IS THE BEST EVER YOUR JSUT JEALOUS OF THEM AND ALL TEH CINZANO THAY CAN BUY WIHT ALL THEYRE MOENY THEY MAKE FORM THERE MUSIC
dean says
And what do you stand for? Apart from trying to make a name for yourself writing bitchy blogs about other people but never creating anything yourself – pathetic
shawna says
Oops, looks like Archer’s mother stumbled upon your page.
Soft-Fi says
Hard-Fi are a terrible band, nothing “new” or original. I have always thought that the lead singer comes across as someone who has a chemicaly enhanced ego, but being responsible for some of the worst music in the last five years and being completley oblivious to this fact makes him look like a clueless arsehole. I would have to agree about their fans being idiots, every Hard-Fi fan I’ve ever met (all two of them) has been a complete twat.
This quote made me laugh.
“If they did drop us we could go away and do something much better.”
I don’t expect them to be with their label for much longer.
David Schwartz says
hard fi are rubbish.
IronEddie says
Ther’re god-awful musicians to say the least and I hate their singer with a passion.
Daniela says
This is interesting…it has become fashion to hate Hard Fi. I noticed that people do that like brainless puppets
I’m not the biggest Hard Fi fan but they are ok to me, they guys seem to be really nice and kind.
@shawna Archer’s mother died.
gir says
She probably died of shame. Wouldn’t you?
Paul Sorrenti says
hey daniela, how’s it going? i know it’s hard to turn not click on hecklerspray, even if you hate us, it’s like when you drive past a car crash and have a peak at the mangled corpse because you’re slightly aware you may get turned on by it despite all previous convictions. turned on in the mind, not in the vagina, daniela, if that’s what you were thinking, in which case you’re truly disgusting, so much so that you make me want to click on you, to see if you might turn me on, it’s just a healthy curiosity. i’ll no doubt decide that i’m absolutely not turned on, whereas you cannot resist the allure of hecklerspray, and why?
because you love it. you are it. you am it. some part of it speaks to you daniella. hard fi and babies are rubbish and you know it. it’s ok, join us.
join us.
back to your original point, are you suggesting that our opinions here are controlled by a puppet master, and if so, whom is this man? or woman – women can be puppet masters too. who would want to brainwash us into hating hard-fi and what would they gain from it?
euclid says
I know! I know!
It’s the evil puppet masters of Not!
We are failing to affirm the identity decisions
of the uncritical. Bad us! I would be filled with
self loathing if I weren’t having so much fun.
As Heraclitus said: Dogs bark at strangers.
What he didn’t say was that they also bark at smelly homeless people,
things on wheels and other dogs. Kinda makes you think, right?
tam says
who the fuck are hard-fi? Have I been missing out / or not missing out on something ? Have I been under a rock?
Paul Sorrenti is funny even if you disagree with every fucking thing he writes. fuck fuck fuck fuck. I like the fact you can swear openly on this thing – maybe that’s why I come back . . ?
you’re darn tootin’
Kurt says
i saw hard-fi in brooklyn a couple years ago. lead singer was such a goon onstage that i couldn’t bear it. totally cringe-worthy. left the show after 2-3 songs.
Paul Sorrenti Jr. says
Dear Dad,
I know you always write bad things about people, but i am getting bored of it. I`m starting to think that maybe your hate goes back to your childhood, probably you were not love enough? but i love you daddy, everything will be ok as soon as you start having sex… maybe you can spare a couple of bucks and pay a prostitute for a few nights a week? you will see how happy that will make you feel and will make you stop talking so much shit about other people that you dont know.
I am very happy that you have still got this job, because if you didnt then i would have already left home. I only love you because you pay for everything i do.
Get yourself a pet. It will make you happier and you can talk lots of shit and nonsense to it,it wont run away from you cause it wont understand a word (sometime wish i was a dog not to hear your voice or understand anything that comes out of your stupid mouth) But i still think there is a way out of this. Mum died of shame to be with a man like you that doesnt have anything intelligent to say, but i will try and stay here supporting you, without people knowing who i am ofcourse.. you know how this is… it would be shameful if anyone associated me with you. just wish mum was still here to read this letter….
with love,
your son
gir says
I’m not entirely convinced that that’s Paul Sorrenti’s son. I think this might be fake.
Paul Sorrenti Snr. says
that is the most remarkable criticism i have ever received. why oh why have you taken the form of my imaginary son?? what does the diss gain from this?
my imaginary sons imaginary mother died of shame to be with a man like me!? the insanity is adorable! i love it, my eyes are watering a bit. without doubt the greatest criticism i have ever received. I would genuinely be proud to have a son like you one day.
i really wanna meet you. what a mind you have; you should write for hecklerspray, i’ll happily step aside, and you can inherit my whopping pay package gladly. dunno what else to say, but you’ve made my day. that’s my boy.
Stewart Black says
Paul Sorrenti is a fanny. He’s a childish unfunny prick. Hard-Fi are just about the best band in britain right now, I still belive they’ll be the biggest band in the world one day. The only people who think Hard-Fi are shit, have never actually listened to any of their albums.
Iron Jack says
Stewart Black, you are a moron. I was once forced to listen to their albums and can assure you, they are shit!
richard archer says
if u were given a chance and someone said u were gd enough wouldnt u take it, i cant understand why people hate us if u dont like out music avoid it, we r nice people with gd hearts were not gary glitter for fuck sake
Youfoss says
Shut up Richard Archer. Your music’s rubbish!