For months, the six or seven people around the world who haven't already lost interest in this have been on the edge of their seats waiting to discover which of the two men who claim to have slept with Anna Nicole Smith is the father of her baby.
And the good news is there's less than three weeks until we can all find out, since Anna Nicole Smith has been ordered to submit baby Dannielynn Hope Marshall Stern for her DNA paternity test by January 23 to finally out if the baby is part creepy lawyer dude or part creepy photographer dude. It'll be a big day when the results are announced, since that's when the man ultimately named as the father will simultaneously realise that a) he now has a tiny vulnerable human being to protect for the rest of his life and b) now everyone knows he did it with Anna Nicole Smith a bunch of times. Yeurrgh!