Remember the UK royal wedding? You might not want to, but thanks to the media still being in love with the couple of the moment, all sorts of tatty commemorative DVD?s and magazines have been brought out to mark the occasion.
Unless you camped out for several hours to wave at William and Kate, it'll be the closest you\’ll ever get to them. They don't associate with peasant scum like us.
The marriage of William and Kate wasn?t just about them however. One other person who gained mass attention was Princess Beatrice. She didn't stop an assassin or anything impressive like that; instead she wore a hat that looked like a huge gaping vagina with two mini spitting foo-foos on top. It’s fair to say it was a fashion no-no. However, some idiot will see it as ?arty? and attempt to buy it. Shockingly, some people are already trying to do this.
At best, this strange creation looks like the work of an A-Level textile student who has been encouraged to ?open their mind? by a weed smoking hippy teacher. Hats are generally meant to cover the head and protect from elements such as the wind, rain and to a lesser extent, birds defecating from the trees above. This hat, designed by someone called Philip Treacy looks like a prototype for a mobile phone mast spliced with a toilet seat. We assume he makes similar pretentious creations and has made garments made from materials including bellybutton fluff and chicken placenta.
Because people can't lock themselves away from information these days, we assumed Princess Beatrice had realised she was a laughing stock. So what did she do? She did what all people in the public eye do – donate the awful thing to charity!
A winning situation for everyone really. She looks cool, kind and caring when donating funds to the charities involved which are UNICEF UK and Children in Crisis. Charities we must stress who are involved with awesome work prior to this auction and do ace things for helping those in need. To a lesser extent, somebody gets a stupid hat that they think is fashionable. Princess Beatrice said about the auction:
“I’ve been amazed by the amount of attention the hat has attracted. It’s a wonderful opportunity to raise as much money as possible for two fantastic charities. I hope whoever wins the auction has as much fun with the hat as I have.”
Not bothered about owning a piece of royal history? You should be after reading the items description:
“A truly individual, fun but elegant wedding bow becomes the fascinator form. This statement piece is worn on the front hairline secured by a clear wire headband that is easily disguised by the wearer’s hair. This is a gravity-defying hat.”
So is this some sort of Harry Potter/ Dr Who sci-fi magic stuff with anti-gravity clothing? We haven't developed flying cars yet, but we guess a floating hat will do. At time of writing, the vagina hat was being sold for ?16,2000 and can be viewed here if you want to even consider purchasing it.
If like us you can't afford to blow ?15,000 on a hat, just pop down the newsagents with a couple of quid and buy a book of stamps. You?ll permanently have the queen in your pocket, and if you have a fetish for old ladies, a chance to lick her wrinkling face.
Follow hecklerspray on Twitter or join our Facebook group or BUY ONE OF OUR STUPID T-SHIRTS!