Tomorrow’s Strictly Come Dancing will be the toughest instalment yet, because the lesser Strictly Come Dancing competitors are falling by the wayside fast, leaving just eight dancers to pretend they stand a chance against Alesha anyway.
Apparently the Strictly Come Dancing dances being danced tomorrow are the Viennese Waltz and the Samba, with one competitor dancing to an Alicia Keys song, another dancing to a Michael Jackson song and someone dancing to Flower Of Scotland. That last one had better be Kenny Logan, because we get the feeling that our entire lives have been leading up to the moment that we get to see a graceless hulk angrily thwump around a stage scaring the young to the sound of sodding bagpipes.
Who’s going to win Strictly Come Dancing? Here are the Strictly Come Dancing betting odds for Alesha Dixon, Kate Garraway, Matt Di Angelo and Penny Lancaster, with betting odds from Paddy Power…
Alesha Dixon – Alesha Dixon is turning out to be the Leona Lewis of Strictly Come Dancing – week after week she turns in performances so dazzling that her near-perfection starts to get boring after a while. For Saturday’s Strictly Come Dancing, Alesha needed to do a Foxtrot to Heaven – something she was dreading because she said she’s not very romantic. However, after her Nans came to visit with cream cakes and – confusingly – outfits they seemed to have stolen from the Dad’s Army wardrobe department, everything was sorted out and Alesha managed to bash out the highest-scoring Strictly Come Dancing routine of the night, and the Strictly Come Dancing judges told her that it was “Full of grace, I’m enchanted.” So Alesha is a potential Strictly Come Dancing winner, but a smidge of personality would be nice – maybe tomorrow she can charge about like a rapist like Kenny Logan does. SCORE – 36; Current Strictly Come Dancing betting odds – 6/5
Kate Garraway – By rights Kate Garraway should have been public enemy number one after the public voted to keep her in Strictly Come Dancing at the cost of the technically superior Gabby Logan, but everyone knows you can’t be public enemy number one when an army of middle-aged men open lust after your cleavage, so the whole controversy was neatly brushed under the carpet by the time Saturday’s Strictly Come Dancing rolled around. And just to make matters worse, Kate Garraway’s Foxtrot to I Could Write A Book wasn’t offensively terrible either. True, the reason it wasn’t terrible is because Kate Garraway had appeared to sellotape herself to her partner so he could just haul her around the stage as gracefully as he possibly could without her ever having to break free and nause things up, but it worked – the Strictly Come Dancing judges said the routine had: “beautiful pivots, I never expected what I just saw.” It confused us too, and we’re just hoping normality is returned next week when Kate Garraway jolts about like a broken robot likes she usually does. SCORE – 26; Current Strictly Come Dancing betting odds – 100/1
Matt Di Angelo – Matt Di Angelo, the cockiest little upstart since Little Lord Fauntleroy, gained the highest score in the previous Strictly Come Dancing. We suspected this meant that he’d totally overshoot for Saturday’s show and try a routine so complicated that his legs would snap off and he’d gore his own stomach with his shins. And we were sort of right – Matt Di Angelo’s Paso Doble to Smooth Criminal was so fiddly that it seemed to be put together with the sole intention of making the crowd go “Woooooo!” every three or four seconds. Thanks to the song choice, Matt Di Angelo was only a bottle of Jesus Juice and a bowl of giraffe blood away from a full-on Michael Jackson impersonation. And the Strictly Come Dancing judges agreed with us too, telling Matt that “It wasn’t a Paso in my mind.” But the criticism is good, as is anything that makes Matt Di Angelo less insufferable. SCORE – 31; Current Strictly Come Dancing betting odds – 3/1
Penny Lancaster – Having narrowly missed elimination from Strictly Come Dancing two weeks ago, Penny Lancaster knew she had to win the public over with her Foxtrot to This Can’t Be Love. And, since the public proved that it doesn’t like the sight of Penny Lancaster with her hair down waggling her bum about, for Saturday’s Strictly Come Dancing she wore her hair up and kept her arse mercifully covered, too. And it worked, too – even though we thought the whole thing was duller than a trip to a digestive biscuit factory, the Strictly Come Dancing judges gave Penny her biggest ever score, telling her that she danced “like Champagne,” whatever the balls that means. Still, we can’t imagine that it’s endeared her to the public any more than usual, though, the leggy git. SCORE – 36; Current Strictly Come Dancing betting odds – 12/1
Next week – X Factor betting odds! But if that’s too long to wait – or you feel like making more money than you know what to do with – head right over to the Paddy Power Strictly Come Dancing betting odds page to see the latest, and best, betting odds.
Sarah says
Are you even watching the show? Alesha is nothing like Leona Lewis, the only thing they have in common is their skin colour. Unlike Leona, Alesha has lots of personality-that’s why she’s so popular.