It’s the next edition of Strictly Come Dancing tomorrow, and everyone wants to know whether there’ll be another shock result like last week, and also whether everyone is going to react as if their children died like last week too.
Having said that, the shock Strictly Come Dancing exit of Gabby Logan last week was fairly entertaining, not least because Len Goodman – a man who sat stony-faced when that Osmond woman collapsed in front of her recently – has turned into the world’s most furious man because the public didn’t vote properly. So let’s try and get another favourite out tomorrow, because we get the feeling Len might squirt his brain out of his nose in disgust if we do.
Who’ll be the next to leave Strictly Come Dancing tomorrow? Here are the Strictly Come Dancing betting odds for Kelly Brook, Gethin Jones, Letitia Dean, Penny Lancaster and Matt Di Angelo, with help from Paddy Power…
Kelly Brook – Throughout Strictly Come Dancing, all Kelly Brook has basically done is frenziedly dry-hump her partner in weeny little scraps of fabric, but on Saturday she got to do an American Smooth to (Love Is) The Tender Trap, and that meant she got to slowly dry hump her partner in a slightly larger scrap of fabric. And, we have to admit, it wasn’t bad, and could have got a perfect score if only her crazed wildcard rebel bad boy of a dancing partner Brenden Cole hadn’t broken the important ‘two lifts only’ rule. And, much like fellow rule-breaker Jesus Christ, Brenden got punished for it by the otherwise-impressed Strictly Come Dancing judges: “You put three lifts in, and the rules are only two. That performance could’ve been a ten, and now we’ll have to mark it down.” SCORE – 34; Current Strictly Come Dancing betting odds – 50/1
Gethin Jones – Gethin honestly has one of the hardest jobs on Strictly Come Dancing – as a children’s TV presenter he can’t really allow himself to do anything too sexual for fear of kickstarting some awful pre-pubescent sexual awakening across the land. As such, all of Gethin Jones’ Strictly Come Dancing routines – like Saturday’s samba to More Than A Woman – have all the spark of a drizzly day in Milton Keynes sponsored by bromide. It wasn’t good, it wasn’t terrible – it was just there, and the Strictly Come Dancing judges could barely find anything to say about it, peaking at “No bounce whatsoever, sadly, and your voltas were absolutely terrible.” They could replace Gethin with a slab of meat on a skateboard next week and we don’t think anyone would really notice. SCORE – 26; Current Strictly Come Dancing betting odds – 18/1
Letitia Dean – If dancing is a reflection of sexual performance, then sex with Letitia Dean must be terrifying, purely because of the ‘raunchy’ face she pulls when she dances an energetic routine – it makes her look like an out of breath apple leering at a field of cows. But on Saturday’s Strictly Come Dancing Letitia got to do an American Smooth to Makin’ Whoopee, which meant she didn’t have to pull the scary sex face very often. As a result, the Strictly Come Dancing judges didn’t shudder so much and actually seemed to enjoy it: “A touch of class with a sprinkle of camp always works – just watch the shoulders.” SCORE – 31; Current Strictly Come Dancing betting odds – 7/1
Penny Lancaster – On the previous Strictly Come Dancing, Penny Lancaster messed up her routine badly enough to stop being a contender on the show, so this week she came back to a samba to These Boots Are Made For Walking with the purpose of proving a point. That point admittedly seemed to be that she could a) walk provocatively while shaking her boobs and b) wear less clothes than anyone else, but she proved it anyway, booby-shaking and buttock-displaying her way back into the running again – which we’re hoping isn’t a plan that Dominic Littlewood plans to use at any point. Anyway, it impressed the Strictly Come Dancing judges and no mistake: “there will be weeks where a certain dance doesn’t suit you, as we saw last week. There’ll be other weeks where the dance is right up your alley, and that was one.” SCORE – 32; Current Strictly Come Dancing betting odds – 10/1
Matt Di Angelo – Our worst fears are coming true. Matt Di Angelo, a boy so self-satisfied that he probably leaves a trail of slime wherever he goes – is actually getting good at Strictly Come Dancing. After his American Smooth to For Once In My Life, the Strictly Come Dancing judges said to Matt that he was “absolutely fantastic. Debonair, smooth, nice hands. I loved it!” That’s clearly the completely wrong thing to say to someone like Matt Di Angelo because he’ll probably start turning up to the studio in a throne-like sedan chair carried by slave boys now. No, the way to control Matt Di Angelo is to break his spirit with insults. And, if need be, iron rods. SCORE – 36; Current Strictly Come Dancing betting odds -33/1
Next week: back to X Factor betting odds – But if that’s too long to wait – or you feel like making more money than you know what to do with – head right over to the Paddy Power Strictly Come Dancing betting odds page to see the latest, and best, betting odds.