Michael Jackson’s dead, and there’s nothing any of us can do about it. Sure, you could moonwalk circles around what will probably be his Lincoln Monument-esque tomb, but all that’s gonna get you is a really large dead ring of grass.
The more ardent of his fans – the ones that whited out Peter, James & John from their New Testements and added in Michael, MJ & Jacko – well their religious adoration of him may not be the first. That’s right – it seems the Egyptians may have worshipped his likeness thousands of years ago.
So says a crazy looking statue, anyway.
When Michael Jackson first died he gave us a whole bunch of clues about it in his Off The Wall album. Since we were apparently the only ones savvy enough to catch on, we had to wait until his lighter skinned, hornier substitute died for the rest of the world to join us in our tremendous grief.
Now that we’re all finally crying in unison, we just want you to know that we’re not the first generation to feel this way about the gloved one. That’s right – Egyptians also worshipped him thousands of years ago. They made statues in his likeness, wrote rhyming hieroglyphs about how certain girls’ babies weren’t his or his brothers, and they even prophesied that he would one day laminate his severed nuts and bury them in the cold, blue hands of Princess Diana.
That last prophesy has never been ‘officially’ (ahem) fulfilled, but personally we think Di’s got a couple little somethings rolling around there in her coffin.
Archeologists someday will be so lucky with a find like that.
In getting to the heart of the matter, there is a statue of an ancient Egyptian woman that’s been getting in the headlines recently. It’s been so press-worthy because this long dead woman is the spitting image of Michael Jackson. See for yourself up in the corner there.
Also – this according to the Chicago Sun Times:
“It’s eerie, and it’s creepy: An ancient limestone Egyptian bust in the Field Museum is a dead bang look-a-like of singer Michael Jackson. The big question: Did Jackson, who went under the plastic surgeon’s knife numerous times, pattern his ultimate appearance after the statue carving?
“Answer: “I have no idea whether Jackson ever visited the museum, but the similarity between the limestone statue of a woman — which is about 3,000 years old — and Jackson is astounding,” said a museum spokesman.”
Since Michael Jackson kicked the bucket all those weeks ago we’ve learned several things about the King of pop. For starters – his children were sired by his skin doctor, Oliver Twist and possibly that one crazy lady who claims she carried all three of them after repeatedly wringing Michael’s tenders dry.
On top of that, his brain was scooped out, he’s got a Dutch son or something, someone’s going to turn his body into diamonds and Janet’s had to constantly remind us about how famous she was when her boob fell out at a football game.
Yes Janet, we remember all the news shows.
All things Michael are now certainly shifting into overdrive. And although the Egyptian statue, in the long run, probably won’t be as lasting or meaningful as the MJ sculpture a bunch of dairy farmers want to cut out of butter or something, it’s still nice to know that even all those years ago vast amounts of people knew that someday Michael would be a pretty special lady.
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kajal says
SO FUKIN WAT DAT LOOK LIKE MICHAEL JACKSON AT LAST HE LOOKZ LIKE SOME THING UNLIKE U FUKERS NOT FOUMOUS WAT SO EVER WHY THEY BEIN SO MEAN TA HIM WAT FUKERS MAN
Snapper Winsten says
Dear Kajal,
What exactly is your first language? I mean if you’re going to shout at someone (if you haven’t heard using all caps is considered shouting) at least you could make a little sense. Things like, spelling, punctuation and real words might really help drive your point home.
Big kisses,
Snapper
deb Walker says
No kidding. You sound like an imbecile.
ligertail says
Well said, Kajal Your points are eloquently stated. I think in this situation it was your duty to use all caps to bring attention to your important message.