Hooray! Kris and his ridiculous floppy clown wig have been evicted from Big Brother! We never have to type the word ‘Krogface’ ever again! Hooray!
Let’s not dwell on Kris’ Big Brother eviction because, well, it was boring and he was boring and hopefully he’ll go away now. Instead, let’s focus on the good news – Big Brother is finally introducing some more housemates this week! Brilliant! A bunch of people who the Big Brother producers deemed to be even less interesting than the current lot are going into the least-interesting Big Brother house ever! Boy oh boy, this is going to be… oh, what’s the word? DULL!
Anyway, here are the Big Brother housemates who have caught our eye this week…
Noirin – Noirin has spent the majority of the last week in the Big Brother house shouting at people. In particular she’s spent it shouting at boys. In particular she’s spent it shouting at boys who she has flirted relentlessly with because they had the temerity to think that, by flirting with them, she was actually flirting with them. Understand? No, us neither really. Either Noirin has a Something About Mary-style magical magnetism that attracts every man she meets to her, or all the boys in the Big Brother house are mental evil-eyed stalkers. And one of them is Marcus, so who can really say for sure? Of course, the third option is that Noirin has an absurdly high opinion of herself, even though she’s not quite as pretty as she thinks she is and not quite as clever as she thinks she is, and she treats everyone like an arsehole because of this. Or something. Look, we don’t know.
Dogface – Now that Kris has been evicted from the Big Brother house, it’s an absurdly exciting time to be Dogface. For over a month she’s suppressed her personality to maintain the dynamic of her relationship with Kris, but now she’s free she can soar. That’s assuming that Dogface does have a personality, of course – so far we’ve got the impression that she’s a pair of comically large boobs, a pointlessly gigantic haircut that looks like a peroxide tumour and very little else. But maybe Dogface can surprise us – maybe she’s a genius. No, that’s too much of a stretch. Maybe she has an above-average level of intelligence. No, that’s also too much of a stretch. Maybe she’s as clever as everyone else in the Big Brother house. No, once again that’s probably too much of a stretch. Maybe Dogface will be able to, with assistance, string a rudimentary sentence together. Yes, that’s much more like it. Miracles do happen, you know.
Halfwit – Oh look, there’s no point in us discussing Halfwit here, because he’s bound to be up for eviction this week again. Come back on Thursday and we’ll talk about him – particularly his new haircut, which makes him look like Ming The Merciless if Ming The Merciless had joined a youth-based committee for social organisation rather than just plunging straight into the whole galactic dictator thing.
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