Everybody likes Whitney Houston a little bit, but what if you like Whitney Houston a lot? We're talking falling asleep humming My Name Is Not Susan while stroking the nylon hair of your Whitney Houston vinyl doll to dream only of Whitney Houston here.
Well, the more obsessively creepy stalkerish Whitney Houston fans have been handed a gift from Whitney Houston heaven; a New Jersey auctioneer is selling off more than 400 items of Whitney Houston's very own personal effects including pianos, thrones and – yes, you pervert – underwear. But what has prompted Whitney Houston into suddenly selling off such a large number of her personal artifacts to her legions of grateful fans? Let's just say you should probably thank the lord for the combined expense of divorce lawyer fees and crack cocaine.
Right now we were expecting to see Whitney Houston taking part in Celebrity Big Brother, but that didn't transpire. Presumably not even the $1 million that Whitney Houston was reportedly offered could persuade her to spend a month in a box with Leo Sayer; and besides, Whitney Houston has far more pressing issues at hand, like the sale of 400 personal items to pay off some of her gigantic debts.
You see, as much as we've all at some point secretly wished that we were Whitney Houston – if only so we could have Bobby Brown pull dried-up pieces of shit out of our rectum with his fingers while we listlessly flitted between playing with sex toys and swatting off all the imaginary demons that our crack addiction made us see – being Whitney Houston at the moment isn't as fun as you think. Whitney Houston is currently divorcing Bobby Brown and, although she's having a fair crack at looking slightly more normal than usual, Whitney still has problems a-plenty.
During her marriage to Bobby Brown, Whitney Houston built up some hefty debts; debts that not even royalties from endlessly-repackaged Whitney Houston Greatest Hits albums could cover. In November it was announced that Whitney Houston might lose her house because of these debts, and now a $200,000 storage bill has meant that Whitney Houston has been forced to sell off all sorts of other pieces of crap that she owns, as E! Online reports:
The fire sale of 400-plus items—including designer costumes custom-made for Houston by the likes of Donna Karan, Versace and Dolce & Gabbana, props, stage sets, sound and studio equipment such as speakers and mixers, furniture and tools—will kick off next Tuesday in Irvington, New Jersey. Also on the block: some of Brown's music awards, a transparent grand piano purchased for between $300,000 and $400,000, various drum kits and keyboards, a chair dubbed "Whitney's throne" and even underwear, including a sexy black-velvet bustier with silver beading once worn by the 43-year-old diva. "It's a warehouse full of stuff from her shows," Steve Newmark, owner of A.J. Willner Auctions, told the New York Daily News.
While the auction will help get rid of some of her debts, there's every chance that Whitney Houston will end up doing quite well from the sale. When Cher tried a similar stunt last year, she ended up making $3.5 million from it, and Ellen Barkin made $20 million from her jewel sale in October. Then there's the money that William Shatner's pissed-out kidney stone made, but we don't like to talk about that.
That's presuming that Whitney Houston's auction is a success, anyway – and we're sure it will be, judging by the high-profile nature of some of her biggest fans. In fact, it probably wouldn't be too much of an exaggeration to suggest that the auctioneers should wrap up all the items today and address them to a Mr O. Bin Laden, c/o Tora Bora Caves, Afghanistan, since that's where they're all probably headed anyway.
Read more:
Maxine says
Yeah, why isn’t she on Celebrity Big Brother? I’d have rather had her than that stupid blonde guy